I Wish I Had a Stepmother....

Lincoln, age 5

2012-02-14T21:26:00.001-08:00

"Why do girls cry so much at church?"

Lincoln, age 5

2012-02-13T10:57:00.001-08:00

Playing 21 questions, Lincoln established that I was thinking of something you wear. I prompted him to ask me questions about where you wear this item, and he said, "Do you wear it on the tramp?"

Lincoln, age 5

2012-01-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

L: Mom, tell me the story of Layton.

Me: What? What story is that?

L: You know? The story of Layton and Jesus in heaven?

(he meant Satan)

Ana, age 3

2012-01-18T15:46:00.000-08:00

Ana: I'm mom.

AJ: No, you're dad.

Ana: No, I have fwishy (squishy) boobs!

Lincoln, age 5

2012-01-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

AJ was getting a headache and resting his head in his hands at the table. Lincoln, who was sitting next to him, rested his head in hands also and said, "I'm getting a headache too. You gave me that DNA."

Ana, age 3

2012-01-18T15:04:00.001-08:00

Ana put on my highest heels and said, "I'm mom. Mom is going outside to plant the weeds."

Lincoln, age 5

2011-11-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Lincoln the other day told me to go left, I went left, and he said, "Your other left." I said, "Do you mean right?" and he said, "Yes."

Lincoln, age 5

2011-11-07T18:44:00.001-08:00

L: I feel like I'm going to throw up!

Me: Why?

L: Because you're so beautiful!

Lincoln, age 5

2011-10-05T13:25:00.001-07:00

Lincoln: Darin Doodle had a poodle!

Darin: And a mustache!

Ana, age 3

2011-10-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

Ana: I love Jessa.

Me: I love Jessa too.

Ana: I'M two. And I don't love you.

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-09-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

Me: Ana, you crack me up!

Ana: No! You crack ME up, because I'm an egg!

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-08-25T14:05:00.001-07:00

L- "Mom, what does 'dire' mean?"

Me - "Urgent and important."

L - "What does 'reah' mean?"

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-08-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

L- "Mom, what does 'dire' mean?"

Me - "Urgent and important."

L - "What does 'reah' mean?"

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-08-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

Lincoln got five Tootsie Rolls of different colors and gave names to each of them: Orange = FireFlames; Green = Green Minion; Brown = Brown Honyock; Pink = Pink Flames; and my favorite Red = Flames and Beasts.

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-08-17T17:24:00.001-07:00

Lincoln has decided he's fat. So, he's put himself on a diet. He said he was not eating for the next three days and then he wouldn't be eating junk food until he's 28. I convinced him apples and carrots were not fattening and he could eat them, but that's all he'll eat for dinner. I told him it's ok for 4 year olds to have a little belly and he replied, "Not for me."

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-07-28T15:39:00.003-07:00

During a tantrum, L said - Mom! You're terminating me!

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-07-28T15:39:00.001-07:00

L says - Mom, taste this! It's 50 lbs yummier than a camel!

Ana, 2 1/2; Lincoln 4 1/2

2011-07-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Lincoln was playing "He-Man" and said, "I have the power!" Ana mimicked, "I have the power of Sleeping Beauty!"

2011-07-26T08:00:00.001-07:00

After handing me her drink, Lincoln's five year old cousin said, "Here the heck is my water!"

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-07-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things about Ana is how she describes everything in threes. Some of my favorites are:

"That parade (pronounced Frade) was fun fun fun!"

"My legs will be cold cold cold!"

"Your lips are getting red red red!"

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-07-01T18:16:00.001-07:00

L - Mom, sometimes my eyes get adjusted and Jessa looks so cute!

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-06-18T10:39:00.003-07:00

Ana said, "I got pokened by a stick."

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-06-18T10:39:00.001-07:00

Lincoln advised me that "apology accepted" doesn't mean "Thank you for saying sorry." It means "I like the flowers."

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-06-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was wrong about something today and Lincoln said, "See mom I told you. Apology accepted."

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-06-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

We were discussing baptism by immersion vs. baptism by sprinkling and Lincoln said, "If you don't get baptized the right way you can't get the birthday present from the Holy Ghost."

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-05-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

Me: Are you jealous?

Lincoln: No. I'm telling the truth.

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-05-10T07:49:00.001-07:00

We made pancakes this morning. We cracked the egg in and Ana started mixing it with the whisk and said, "The egg is having fun! It's riding a carousel!"

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-04-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

Lincoln said, "You wanna feel how strong my muscle is?" I said sure, so he kicked me as hard as he could.

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-04-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

Lincoln said, "Man of Steel does NOT mean stealing!"

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-04-21T13:12:00.001-07:00

Me: I'm tough.

Ana: You're not a tough elephant!

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-04-20T18:37:00.001-07:00

Me: Is Lincoln's room a mess?

Ana: No

Me: Is it clean?

Ana: No

Me: What is it?

Ana: A pile.

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-04-07T21:53:00.001-07:00

Jamie said to Lincoln, "Your mom is..." and then whispered "crazy" in his ear. I said, "What did she say about me?" And Lincoln said with a sly smile, "She said you're nice."

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-04-04T20:01:00.001-07:00

Me: I told you go to go bed, and you're in there giggling.

Ana: I wasn't giggling. I was spitting.

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-04-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

Lincoln: This is an under water animal. And this is a dry-blooded animal.

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-03-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ana was patting AJ's knee and said, "A big, ugly leg!"

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-03-25T19:57:00.001-07:00

Ana: What are you doing mom?

Me: I'm folding socks, what are you doing?

Ana: I'm picking my nose.

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-03-21T13:43:00.002-07:00

Ana plopped down on the floor next to AJ and said, "Dad, you're my princess."

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-03-21T13:43:00.001-07:00

Ana: We were calling for you!

Me: And I didn't come?

Ana: No, you died.

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-03-12T19:17:00.001-08:00

Lincoln: It would be mean if I called you Brimhall.

Me: Why would that be mean?

Lincoln: Because it's mean to call names!

Ana, age 2 1/2

2011-03-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

Me: Ana, can I kiss you?

Ana: No!

Me: Can I hug you?

Ana: No!

Me: Can I sit on you?

Ana: Yes!

Lincoln, age 4 1/2

2011-03-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

Lincoln: I'm as fast as a cheetah and spiders are as fast as a leprechaun.

Lincoln, age 4

2011-03-06T12:57:00.000-08:00

Instead of "What in the world are you doing?" Lincoln says, "What are you doing in this world?"

Ana, age 2

2011-03-03T15:40:00.001-08:00

Ana was eating crackers and laughing and I said, "You'd better not choke on your cracker!" and she replied, "No. I'm laughing on my cracker!"

Lincoln, age 4

2011-02-26T11:43:00.001-08:00

I wasn't making fun of Ana. I was just showing you HOW TO make fun.

Lincoln, age 4

2011-02-21T20:02:00.001-08:00

Do you like elf meat? (he meant elk, or at least we think he did!)

Ana, age 2

2011-02-14T10:00:00.001-08:00

Ana came up to me laughing and said, "You're funny!" I said, "Why am I funny?" and she pointed at my belly, laughed, and said, "Sticking out!"

Lincoln, age 4

2011-02-13T19:15:00.000-08:00

Me: We don't have any milk to go with our brownies.

Lincoln: We can use boob milk!

Ana, age 2

2011-02-02T18:00:00.001-08:00

Me: What will baby say when he comes out?

Ana (age 2): "need you!"

Me: What will baby eat?"

Ana: [la]"sagna."

Lincoln, age 4

2011-01-31T18:12:00.001-08:00

"If Satan said, 'kill your whole family,' I would say, 'What Satan?'"

Lincoln, age 4

2011-01-18T08:01:00.001-08:00

Lincoln said, "One time someone did magic on your belly and now there's a baby inside it! Who was it? Santa?"

Lincoln, age 4

2011-01-15T20:24:00.001-08:00

Lincoln's prayer: Please bless my mom that she'll be nice so I won't have to punch her.

Ana, age 2

2011-01-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

Me: Is Elmo shy?

Ana (age 2): No, he's red.

Jamie: I'm rich!!

Ana: No, you're Jamie.

Lincoln, age 4

2011-01-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

Lincoln: I heard a ghost. I'm going to kick it!

Me: How do you kick a ghost?

Lincoln: Really hard!

Lincoln, age 4

2011-01-08T19:32:00.001-08:00

Lincoln found a shrimp in his dinner tonight and said, "Look mom! A seahorse tail!"

Lincoln, age 4

2011-01-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

The power went out and Lincoln started to cry and said, "Dad, you watched too much football!"

Lincoln, age 4

2010-12-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

"I'm too tired for dogs and prayers."

Ana, 2; Lincoln, 4

2010-12-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

Lincoln: Ana, are you a princess?

Ana (age 2): No. I'm Superman.

Ana, age 2

2010-12-07T09:26:00.001-08:00

Ana, age two, counts like this: 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 2, 3, 4, 5, .... Over and over again.

Lincoln, age 4

2010-11-22T12:28:00.001-08:00

Me to Lincoln: Ana thinks you are the most wonderful thing in the world.

Lincoln (with confidence): I'm not?

Ana, age 2

2010-11-18T14:37:00.000-08:00

Ana showed me her belly button today and said, "tummy broken."

Lincoln, age 4

2010-11-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

Lincoln: I should've created the Earth instead of Jesus.

Me: Why you?

Lincoln: So that everything would have to obey me.

Lincoln, age 4

2010-11-11T08:37:00.001-08:00

‎"It's not milk Ana. It's Egg Hog."

Lincoln, age 4

2010-11-05T19:21:00.001-07:00

Woody: You've got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.

Lincoln: A date with justice with my fart?

Lincoln, age 4

2010-11-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

While watching "Rescuers Down Under," Lincoln says, "Where's Superman when you need him?"

Lincoln, age 4

2010-11-03T12:09:00.001-07:00

While taking out Halloween decorations. I have some Frankenstein candle holder hands that I was setting up and Lincoln said, "Whose hands are those? Jesus's?"

Lincoln, age 4

2010-10-22T10:31:00.001-07:00

If Superman pinched himself, would he bleed?

Lincoln, age 4

2010-10-11T18:56:00.002-07:00

I'm stronger than....nothing. I'm as strong as a lizard.

Lincoln, age 4

2010-10-11T18:56:00.001-07:00

Me: There's only one person who never made any mistakes. Do you know who that is?

L: Me?

Which Sport? - Ana, age 2

2010-10-06T11:33:00.001-07:00

Ana likes to wear Lincoln's baseball glove. She calls it her "foofall (football) hand" and throws the football with it.

Lincoln, age 4

2010-10-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

L: My brain told me I wanted milk, but I said I wanted water.

Me: Why didn't you say you wanted milk?

L: Because my brain is not a father.

Lincoln, age 4

2010-09-28T14:14:00.001-07:00

Lincoln invited me camping in Ana's room and said, "Come camping and taste the roast beef I made. It's really good. It has chicken in it."

Ana, 2; Lincoln, 4

2010-09-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ana was saying "Little Mater," and Lincoln said, "Maybe she's not saying 'Little Mater.' Maybe she's saying 'Yellow Murder'."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-09-09T22:12:00.001-07:00

Lincoln to Ana: Hey, Doctor Fart.

Ana, age 2

2010-09-07T21:49:00.001-07:00

Me: Lights out!

Ana: No! In!

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-09-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

Mom, I'm not obeying you. My spirit is telling me to clean.

That's a New Excuse, Lincoln age 3 1/2

2010-09-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

Mom, I can't eat these pancakes. They are TOO good.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-09-05T17:20:00.000-07:00

I have lots of toots. I don't like toots, they're stinky.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-09-05T16:21:00.001-07:00

When I'm done with preschool, I'm going to be a lawyer.

Ana, age 1 1/2

2010-08-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

Me to Ana: What does the rain say?

Ana: Quack.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-08-18T16:00:00.001-07:00

L - You can't do it as good as me because I'm the awesomest.

Me - Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say.

L - But, maybe you can be like me.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-08-18T15:59:00.001-07:00

L- Why can't I use your face wash?

Me - Because it's for old ladies with zits and wrinkles.

L - I have wrinkles....on my toes....on the bottom when I take a bath.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-08-06T18:10:00.001-07:00

We were listening to "If you're happy and you know it" and they said "snap your fingers." Lincoln thought they said "slap your pee-ers."

Boys V. Girls

2010-08-02T14:08:00.001-07:00

Alexandra: Let's say we had a baby.

Lincoln: And I have a gun.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-08-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

I need some red boots. Like strawberries.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-07-25T21:53:00.001-07:00

When the Holy Ghost leaves your body, you die.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-07-25T21:36:00.001-07:00

I'm getting a headache in my tummy.

Ana at 20 months.

2010-06-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

We were sitting in the sun today and Ana sat on my lap and said, "Mom, leg, white."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-06-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

L - Who was Thumbelina?

Me - She was as big as a thumb.

L - Is Buildinglina as big as a building?

I have enough grandmas, Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-06-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

At church one of the older ladies asked Lincoln if he'd like to come to her house. I told him she was a grandma and would be lots of fun. He got shy and hid behind my leg until she left. After she was gone, he turned to me and said, "Maybe she could be my wife!"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-06-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

We were hiking in Arches and there was a group of guys who weren't wearing any shirts. One of the guys complimented Lincoln and told him what a great rock climber he was. Lincoln responded, "I'm wearing a shirt."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-06-21T17:32:00.004-07:00

Lincoln had a chance to talk to his papa Dave and the first thing he said to him was, "When I get big, can I drive your camper?"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-06-21T17:32:00.003-07:00

Lincoln told me to put his shoes on the shoe rack, and I said, "What do I look like to you?" and he replied, "A monster."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-06-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

AJ to L - If you want to be a lady slayer, you should learn how to play an instrument.

L - I just want to be a dragon slayer.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2 On Parenting...

2010-05-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

L - I'm pretending to be Ana's dad.

Me - How's that going for you?

L - It's hard. My brain stopped working.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-05-11T15:44:00.001-07:00

My stomach made a gurgling sound and Lincoln asked, "Was that diarrhea?"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-05-07T21:55:00.002-07:00

Lincoln pulled a bottle of Mr. Clean out of the cupboard and asked, "Is this Mr. Googlebugger?"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-05-07T21:55:00.001-07:00

Me: You did great at the dentist today!

Lincoln: So, what do I get?

Conversations with Ana, age 1 1/2

2010-04-28T12:24:00.001-07:00

Ana likes to go "pee" on the toilet, this is how our conversation goes:

A - pee (I put her on the toilet and immediately:) done.

Me - Are you done? Will you let me put your diaper on?

A - Nope. Pee. Done.

Me - Will you let me put your diaper on?

A - Nope. Pee. Done.

etc. This goes on and on for 5 to 10 minutes.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-04-13T12:11:00.003-07:00

My feet are sweat.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

2010-04-13T12:11:00.001-07:00

I think Ana pooped. Or maybe I have stinky breath.